You cannot break porn addiction through discipline alone. So getting mad at a man for watching porn, or shaming him, or giving him ultimatums, or trying to control it will make typically make things much, much worse.
That is, until you understand these following reasons behind the addiction:
Porn addiction occurs for a number of reasons:
1. A sexual desire/fantasy that you’re denying yourself in the real world. Notice the pattern of the type of porn you’re watching. That is a doorway into the aspect of yourself and your desires that you're rejecting.
If you're rejecting yourself, it's a breeding ground for shame. And porn is a drug that makes that shame feel better. But then you take that drug, and instantly feel regret, guilt and shame again. Which makes you want to go back.
If you’re rejecting yourself because of your desire, things will only get harder and harder. 2. Loneliness. Using webcam girls, or other types of more personal porn puts a bandaid over feelings of anxiety, loneliness and other heavier feelings. 3. Avoiding feeling pain. Porn is extremely distracting. It distracts you from the pain. Then, you get the orgasm, which is a momentary feeling of euphoria, and true escape from the pain. It becomes an escape 4. Feelings of inadequacy. If you feel really inadequate, then looking at porn with hotter and hotter women, will make you feel attractive. It gives you the experience that you *think* a hot woman would give you. 5. Resentment. Watching revenge porn, or aggressive porn could be a sign of a deep resentment towards women. Which, obviously would then feed into loneliness. Or, perhaps you’re into BDSM play and unaware of it. And it can snowball. It can turn more personal, or more aggressive, or more frequent. A study was done on rats and giving them heroine (or cocaine…I can’t remember). The rats, who were solitary, pressed a little button and got their drug fix. They did this to the point where they starved to death. They chose the drug over food and water. BUT, when they took those rats (who hadn’t yet died), out of the solitary confinement, and into a social situation with other rats, they stopped pushing the button for the drug, and started eating and drinking water. So, the idea here is that you can’t break an addiction in isolation. Here are 4 things to help you break a porn addiction:
Close friends and personal connection for fun and play (not an online group. The best is in person friends.)
Support group to talk about it (coaching/therapy is great too, but a group is best)
A higher purpose/mission/drive.
A non-judgemental and supportive outlet for his sexual energy
If you’re struggling with porn addiction, do everything you can to include these 3 things into your life.
How to do that is not something I can get into in this short article. But at the very least, this will be a compass for what a man needs in order to break his addiction.
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