I’ve heard some arguments and comments made by women, about being upset with some men not liking their smell down there.
And I’ve heard some stories of what women have put up with when going down on guys.
Regardless, I’ve heard that some people (men and women) get upset if you ask them to wash off their genitals before going down on them.
I want/need to address this.
If you don’t want to go down on someone, you don’t have to! Full stop.
Likewise, you have every right to ask your partner to wash off before you do go down on her/him.
The problem is that there seems to be some shame wrapped around washing off first. As if it’s saying “you’re gross, and this is disgusting.” That’s really not the case.
First off, I think that oral sex is great. When you’re turned on, and in the heat of the moment, and there’s sweat, and juices flowing, it can be hot to go down on your partner. I can attest to that.
BUT SOMETIMES,….. IT’S A FUCK NO.
Here’s an uncomfortable fact. Sometimes women smell terrible down there. There are hormones, and there’s fluids, and sweat, and cream.
AND, guess what fellas….so do you. There are some guys who will be out all day, sweating in their pants, with “stuff” in their foreskin, aka dick cheese.
I was having a conversation with a woman once, and she said, “Yea, some guys don’t realize that sometimes….they don’t clean well enough down there and there’s a poo smell. Poo fragments get stuck in their hair.”
If you don’t like reading that, then why the hell would you want them to put that in their mouth before you’ve washed off first?
Some people might be offended by this. They’ll say:
“How dare you shame people for their smell. Our bodies are perfect the way they are! We’re not going to be perfectly clean and sterile a lot, if not most, of the time!”
Yea, I agree. This has nothing to do with who you are as a person. It doesn’t mean I’m shaming you. It doesn’t mean you’re disgusting. It doesn’t mean you’re sexually unattractive. It doesn’t mean your smells or bodily functions are bad.
It just means that we have to be honest with ourselves about our bodies.
I would agree that some people can be a little anal retentive (pun intended), with regards to smell. It’s almost as if they want things to be in mint condition each time.
But the truth is that our body has odour and functions. AND just because your partner doesn’t want to put you in their mouth at the time you have the most odour, doesn’t mean you’re a bad person or sexually unattractive. And it doesn’t mean you’re dirty or gross.
It also doesn’t mean your partner is a bad person, or not sexually evolved, either.
It just means they don’t enjoy the smell or “situation” you have going on down there at the time.
Not only that, we have to remember that our partner has every right to say yes or no. #consent. So do your best to not get all pissy or offended if they ask you to clean first.
And if they don’t like the way you smell, but they still want to go down on you because a) they like doing it, and/or b) they want to pleasure you, they have every right to ask you to wash off. And you can do the same to them.
You can say ‘no’, too!
SEX IS MEANT TO BE FUN.
Not full of obligations like:
“You should go down on me regardless of what’s going on down there because it’s my body. Otherwise you’re shaming me and telling me my vulva/penis is dirty and gross.”
Look at it this way “Oh boy! I’m going to wipe away the sweat, and juices, and cream, and poo fragments, and then my partner can enjoy giving me head/going down on me! I’m not a bad person for having body odour and functions. I’m simply doing my part to make my partners experience the best ever! YAY!”
Do you wash your hands before you eat? Then why wouldn’t you wash your genitals and butt crack before getting someone ELSE to eat you out/go down on you?
I mean Jesus Christ, most people don’t even want to eat the bruised part of a banana, but then get all high and mighty when a partner asks them to wash their genitalia before putting it in their mouths.
If you don’t like the fact that your body has odour, and cleanliness to consider, then do this: take a flat palm, rub your genitals, and then lick it yourself. Its YOUR body, and your fluids, so what’s the issue? Why “expect” someone else to put your genitals into their mouth, if you’re turned off by the mere thought of your own body?
If you like the smell though, and the juices, then go hog wild!
Just because you’re willing to go down on someone when they’re sweaty, smelly, or sticky, doesn’t make you more sexually enlightened. It just means you’re okay with it.
If you’re okay with the odours at the time. GREAT!
If you don’t like the smell and you want your partner to wipe down first, you’re allowed to!
You get to choose.
“HOW DO I ASK THEM WITHOUT HURTING THEIR FEELINGS?”
Great question. Here’s an example, “I really want you in my mouth. Can you go to the washroom and wipe down a bit first?” To be perfectly honest, I haven’t found a way to make this request sexy. If you have suggestions, let me know.
Or, you can use coconut oil, or water based lube (with NO sugar in it) to add flavour.
Or if you want to get really creative, wet down a hand towel, put it in the microwave and warm it up. Then you wipe them down with a warm towel, and make it a more sensual experience.
“I like a clean canvas, so that I can dirty it up with my mouth.”…..maybe don’t use that line lol. The point is to get playful.
I agree with the sentiment that we shouldn’t be shaming anyone for their bodily functions, or smells.
I ALSO believe there’s absolutely no reason we should shame anyone for NOT enjoying the smell, and asking us to go and wipe ourselves down first, before getting them to felate us.
Your body may be a temple but mine is an amusement park, and I’m going to maintain the heck out of it so that my partner(s) can have the best time of their lives on this ride.
So, if someone is trying to SHAME you for your smell, you can tell them to fuck off.
BUT, if someone is asking you to wipe off before they get you off, then go buy some fucking baby wipes, and do your part.
Cause there’s nothing more hot and sexy, then a partner who’s enjoying giving you pleasure. So make it as fun for them as possible.
TL;DR – You can say no to going down on your partner. If your partner asks you to wash off your genitals before they go down on you, don’t throw a hissy fit. Just go wash off. And you have every right to ask your partner to wash off too.