Updated: Oct 12, 2021
Rub some dirt in it. That always helps, right? Keep reading....that'll make sense.
What do you do when you get a big cut on your body? Do you rub some dirt in it, ignore it, and when it starts to get red and swollen, start picking at it and rubbing more dirt in it?
You clean it, even though cleaning a cut hurts. When it aches, you leave it alone and do your best not to pick at the scab. You give it air. You nurse that thing back to health.
So why, then, do we treat our emotional wounds any differently?
A lot of people seem to do that.
They get hurt, and then instead of dealing with that pain, they decide to start drinking. They get addicted to drugs. They party excessively. They get addicted to porn or sex. They get into a lot of fights or become violent/coercive. They become addicted to money and business.
Or they forget the wound happened in the first place, and the pain they keep feeling turns to anger, because they don't know any other way to live.
Essentially, they distract themselves from the pain by focussing on their addictions. Which is why meditation and hanging out by yourself can be so hard. It’s because there’s nothing to distract you from the pain.
How Do You Deal With The Pain? Do you distract? Or courageously face it?
Along with that distraction, they pick at that emotional scab by living in a place of shame, anger and/or resentment.
When you constantly think, “Screw my ex/Screw men/Screw women/Screw the patriarchy/Screw feminism/Screw my boss” or “I’m a loser/No one likes me because_____/etc” what you’re doing is ripping that emotional scab off, and rubbing bacteria filled dirt in an open wound.
Not very helpful.
What else do you do when you get hurt? You get onto a moral high horse and say how you’re better than the person/people who hurt you.
That’s because you felt powerless in your pain, and you’re attempting to feel powerful again. The vulnerability of the pain is a scary place to be, and your protective mechanism is to be perceived as strong so you don’t get hurt again.
So, when we get hurt, we get this mix of feelings of moral superiority, blame (self and others) and resentment.
All because of your attempt to avoid the truth: You’ve got a wound.
What Are You Creating For Your Life?
What does that create? An infected heart that sees the world/men/women/yourself from a place of anger, contempt, resentment and shame.
Exactly like a physical wound, if your heart has been hurt, distraction and blame only facilitate infection, and more pain and suffering.
How can your heart feel love, when it’s infected?
The only way to heal your heart wound, is by
Admitting there’s a wound. Admit you’re hurt.
Confess all the emotions that come up as a result of the pain
Stop blaming others and stop being hard on yourself
Easier said than done, right? That's why coaching, counselling and various forms of therapy are so helpful. They provide support in looking at, and cleaning the wound.
Give your heart wound the attention it needs. Clean it. Air it out. Treat it with the same care and attention that you give your body when you get injured. And give it time (even though it still aches).
Eventually, then pain will go away, and love will return.