Are you scared of divorce? Scared of what could happen if things end poorly? Want to prevent that from happening? Read this…
On your car, do you wait for the engine to explode before changing the oil?
Or do you do regular maintenance BEFORE it explodes?
I spoke to a guy. He said he and his wife were drifting apart. They weren’t having sex anymore, and he knew that if he didn’t do anything, the relationship would likely end, but he didn’t know when. And they were arguing more than he’d like.
He wanted the relationship to be better.
But when asked what he was willing to do and to spend to fix it, he said “I don’t know. Right now I’m kind of complacent. I see the problem, but I’m feeling lazy towards it.”
What the fuck, dude?
Another common thing I hear is: “I don’t want to pay for support. I can figure it out. I’m not broken. Therapy/coaching/counselling is for broken and weak people.”
Have you ever met an Olympic Athlete who hasn’t had a coach?
Have you ever met a business mogul who hasn’t had consultants?
Have you ever met a musician who’s skills didn’t enhance greatly as a result of teaching and coaching and training?
Why would sex and relationships be any different?
Hollywood, bullshit media, and sex ed in school are NOT the places to learn about sex and relationships.
And another man shared this in a forum I’m part of: “I really wish I had asked for help and done all this growth work on myself before the marriage was on the rocks. It likely would have saved me 5 years of a painful divorce, a shit ton of money, and I’d probably still be married.”
Too many people are quick to complain about their shitty ex’s, or the challenging divorce, and how much it costs to go through a bad breakup, emotionally, mentally and financially.
But I don’t hear enough of “We tried our best. We went to our own individual coaches, and we went to relationship counselling, and it just didn’t work out. BUT, we tried, and I respect my ex for it.”
How much does a divorce cost? $10K? Or is it probably closer to $100,000 and a lifetime of financial ruin and emotional stress?
How much is a coaching program? $1K? $3K? $5K?
How much is relationship counselling/therapy? $200 a session? Or a package for $3K? Or $10K?
It’s a fraction of the cost of a divorce and years saved of emotional baggage.
If you’re going to be complacent about seeking individual coaching/counselling for yourself and/or relationship coaching or therapy, and your relationship goes to shit, then you get zero sympathy from me (whether you’re a man or a woman).
If you want to avoid financial ruin in a divorce, or constant drama, but you’re unwilling to put in effort into understanding how you affect your partner, or the shit you bring to the table, or how you can be a better partner and make your partners life better WITH you, then good luck with paying for lawyers for the next 10 years.
Instead, of spending $100k’s on a divorce, invest a fraction of that cost on a coaching program or individual therapy.
Stop being lazy.
Stop saying “I can do it myself.”
Stop trying to be a hero.
Stop blaming all the problems on your partner. Get some support.
Otherwise, any cry that says “He’s such a jerk” or “She’s gouging me for everything. She’s crazy!” Will
fall on my deaf ears.
You had your chance.
You let your ego get in the way.
You made your bed.
Now lay in that shit, quit your bitching and learn to deal with it.
And start working on yourself now, so that your next relationship won’t end up this way.
Don’t blame your partner when you were unwilling to take the first step yourself.
There are 1000's of coaches and therapists. You have no excuse.
Unfortunately, you can’t force your partner into counselling. But if you take that first step, they’ll likely follow. And you’ll be much more clear headed in how to deal with the challenges the relationship may be throwing your way.
And not only that, but if you can demonstrate that you offered to go to counselling and you were going yourself (get a record of your sessions), but your partner refused, how do you think that would make your partner look to your friends or even a court?
If you want a better life, better sex and better relationships, then invest finances and energy into coaching or counselling BEFORE the problem gets too big to handle.
Like you would a car.
Otherwise, you can show how “strong and capable you are” by living a life full of struggle, causing harm/drama, anger and blame.
If you’ve been experiencing some problems in your relationship, then look for help.
That is the only real way to avoid the ruin a divorce could cause. By getting support. So go get it.