“Women are just crazy, man. They’re all ball-busters. They’re unreliable. They sleep with the jerks, and then treat the nice guys like crap. They cheat on their boyfriends and then blame it on them. They always nag and talk down to me. Deep down, I really resent women.”
I hear things like this from guys who are stuck in their anger towards women.
And I can relate, because I used to think the same (I cringe when thinking about that.)
Here’s the harsh truth I need to share about women/your girlfriend (that I also had to face):
Your Girlfriend (or women in general) treats you like crap because:
you chose a woman who was a ball-buster and you put up with it.
she senses a lack of strength. You need her attention/approval in order to feel like a man.
You lack and struggle with self-respect and can’t say no.
you don’t say what’s bothering you, until you explode and lash out and say/do hurtful things.
you’re unaware of how you talk to and treat her.
you’re unaware of what she needs.
maybe you’re passive-aggressive.
you avoided having hard conversations at the beginning of the relationship about values around finances, sex, family goals, and parenting styles. Now, you’re deep in the relationship and coming face to face with real world consequences, and you’re still avoiding these conversations because “I don’t like conflict.” and waiting for her to take the lead.
you refuse to look in the mirror and ask for help from friends, coaches, counselling, until it’s too late.
she feels like your mother. And then when she’s done mothering you, you want her to be a freak in the sheets and be your sexual fantasy.
She’s “crazy” and angry because:
you don’t listen to her when she’s talking. You just wait for your turn to say what you want to say.
you only understand your experience of her; you don’t understand her experience of her. (Read that again).
she doesn’t feel heard, cared for, or understood.
you lack emotional intelligence and have little understanding of your own emotions. How the hell are you supposed to support her and her emotions if you’re clueless about your own, and expect her to adopt your stoic ideology?
you try to placate her, instead of taking the lead.
She’s masculine and controlling because you’re too passive. Your “go with the flow” attitude is like nails on a chalkboard for a feminine woman. She wants and needs you to step up, take the lead, make decisions, make plans, and take action based on what you know she and the relationship needs. But, because she can’t rely on you to take that masculine role, SHE does it. And then resents you for asking her to be more feminine.
She’s angry because she doesn’t trust or feel safe around you because she senses a lack of integrity. Maybe you say you’ll do something like get new curtains, or go to the gym, or fix the sink, and you don’t follow through. That demonstrates a lack of integrity.
She’s angry because you’ve hurt her, won’t apologize, and/or refuse to admit your errors and weak spots.
Your girlfriend is “crazy” and doesn’t want to have sex with you because you want her to meet your sexual needs, but you don’t meet hers. Do you even know what hers are? Have you ever asked her?
If you’ve ever said anything dismissive like “Oh yea, I don’t need help in the bedroom. I’ve got it figured out.” Then I can confidently say that I can probably fuck your girlfriend better than you can. Am I cocky as shit saying that? Yes. Am I perfect lover? Absolutely not.
But something I do have that you don’t, is the ability to admit I don’t know everything, and the courage to ask questions. If you don’t like my arrogance, then look in the mirror. If you value learning and growing, then you can go ahead and disregard this.
“The worst thing to call somebody is crazy. It’s dismissive. ‘I don’t understand this person. So they’re crazy.’ That’s bullshit. These people are not crazy. They’re strong people. Maybe their environment is a little sick.” – Dave Chappelle
Am I saying that you need to be some kind of ideologically perfect man? Fuck no. Because very few women are perfect. But look in the mirror.
What kind of environment are you creating? Is it really just her?
Or are you choosing the unstable ones, then bringing out the worst in them, and then blaming them for not being “mature” in the way you’d want them to be, despite your own stubbornness towards putting in that same effort.
What’s the cost of a divorce, versus the cost of some coaching/counselling?
Do you want your girlfriend, and women in general, to stop being “crazy” and stop treating you, and men, like crap? Do you want to overcome resentment? Do you want to prevent divorce/a shitty long term relationship?
Then stop ignoring the red flags.
Stop putting up with behaviour that knocks you down.
Start working on yourself and admit you need to improve. Reach out for coaching or counselling from a mentor you appreciate and resonate with.
Admit you’re part of the problem.
Stop adding fuel to the fire by throwing insults and lashing out.
Put in effort to learn how to be a better partner BEFORE the pain gets so much that she has a meltdown.
Do you wait for your car engine to explode and your tires to have no more tread before doing maintenance? No, because by that point, the car is fucked. If your buddy did that, you’d call him an idiot…..and probably laugh at his misfortune while helping him get a tow.
Don’t wait for women to be better to you. Instead, be a better man that attracts better women who appreciate and respect you, men and themselves. Self-respecting men get rejected by low class girls, and attract high-quality women.
Are there a lot of women who are emotionally unstable, angry, disloyal, chaotic, and untrustworthy? Yes. And they have their own path to walk towards healing and fulfillment.
And you have yours.
Want women to not be crazy? Simple solution is this: Stop bitching about them, and be better men. They’ll follow our lead.